The duration of an era...

Lost again...

2007-08-29T12:35:11Z

I go to work, work many hours with lots of overtime against my wishes and see other people get to go home early.
I have rich people yelling at me all day long for $10 they don't deserve and then get bitched out because I don't show enough empathy.
I've been denied any grant or student loan to go to college so that I can have a decent future.
I've had my license taken away because I'm a hazard on the road.
I've been denied SSI which I grew up on because I am more than capable of working.
I can't stand the thought of having to do this sorta thing for the rest of my life...
I layed awake for 7hours in bed for the second night in a row restless because this is and always will be my life.
I called in today for the second day in a row and would rather live on the street than have to live everyday in absolute hatred, fear, and being stressed out of my mind.

I GIVE UP...

I R Emo

2007-08-25T14:43:21Z

I realy don't want to go to work today
and havn't for a few weeks now
I have to do something I absolutely hate to support a life I don't want
I woke up screaming this morning x.x
I go to work and have people tell me that I am worthless, stupid and crazy
I come home to fights where I am extorted
I can't stop thinking about my mother today
how she abandoned me when I was a child and then killed herself some time after
how my father rejects the fact that I even exist and has never had anything to do with me
how my sister is living in a help house and rarely gets to see her daughter because she is too insane
and I have to go to work and have a huge smile on my face or get yelled at
because in Disney you have to smile and be happy no matter what
I'm sick of repressing it and just want to cry
it's gotton so bad I hear the little girl in my head again
I know that if I just let all my feelings out that she will go away though
she is only there when my thoughts are to hard for me handle and so she shows up to lie to me and let me live in a dream
I've been getting in trouble for talking to her and they are threatening to send me home from work, but at times I don't care
I want to run away from my work,away from this place I live, from myself
but there is no where I can hide
except in a lie inside my own mind
I probably shouldn't post this because it just makes me seem Emo, but I want someone to talk to pretending like they care about me
I'm open for the false empathy and want to be held

OMG murr!!!........ :-3

2007-08-18T07:39:51Z

I have been working so much lately and havn't had any "personal" time to myself... I done nothing but sleep because of exhaustion for my two days off and have I a story of what happened tonight!

I just spent 3hours in the bathroom masterbating with my fox dildo having the most erotic thoughts of my life! I came a total of 7times and wore my tail raw and still want more... I almost felt as if I was possesed by something. I had this feeling of power and warmth surrounding my entire body that pushed me more and more.

I felt my body as a anthropomorphic jackal and could even feel my fur and the moisture of my cocks hard and knotted shaft. While I was pounding my fox zeta into my tail hole I had visions in my head that felt real. They were of wolves ramming their knots in and out of me, tigers pushing me down as a full force of domination, bats wrapping their wings around my whole body sucking on my neck for every last drop, otters bending my body into the most contorted positions I have ever been, horses plowing away at my tail stretching it wider and wider...

I had a good rinse once I was out of energy and here I am, posting my story, ready for bed and the next day of which I will wake in regret with pain, and more than anxious to lay myself down in the dark and have one last good paw of the night in hopes of dreams of all the more escence of which overcame me.

Either I seriously need help, or I just really needed to leave behind my long weeks frustrations, possibly a combination of the two. Anyways I am late for bed and have work in the morning... Hopefully this disturbed someone :-p

Work Stuffs

2007-08-14T01:12:32Z

Well I spent 12hours at work today and I have no idea if I liked it or not... I got bitched out for not doing a good enough job by my manager and threatened that I might be fired and then 3hours later she comes by to tell me that I have a $0.50 raise starting next week... I'm not doing good enough to work there, but am fabulous enough to get a raise? WTF? O.o

My friend was going to take me to "all you can eat Japanese" so I didn't eat all day and then remembered that it is tomorrow. I iz a dumbtail :-p Though am still very much looking forward to it!

I had a girlfriend for about a week and that was really fucked up since I'm gay, but hey I like being dominated. I dumped her a couple days ago out of the blue for no reason, well some reason but just am not sure what... For some reason we watched Gilmore Girls and ate a lot of ice cream after that and am still really good friends through it all somehow...

I have given up on North and am looking South, but can only find Taco Bell and Sergio's without going over the border. DAMN YOU INVISIBLE LINES OF STUPID PEOPLES, GIVE ME YOUR BURRITOS!!!

Anyways I loath all of you... Have a wonderful day, and thank you for your interest in jackals.

Colimana2001
Inbujackal

PS: please harass, I need a good laugh today :D

Work and Home

2007-06-06T01:48:06Z

I've been working everyday or running all over creation on my days off lately. I have to get up at 4:45 a.m. everyday to get to work everyday to be there on time and it's really getting to me. I sleep all day when I get home and never feel like doing anything and still show up at work tired as I can be. Since when does a person need to sleep 10-12 hours just to be only half dead? :-p I have already moved up in my job and have taken on higher responsibilities when I know that I'm not realy capable, but it's just life either testing me or torturing me... Hopefully they will push me up one more step and make me a manager :D

As for how home life is going... I'm upset about paying as much rent as the others who have rooms when I have not even a bed, little own a room. I don't have anywhere to escape at the end of the day and have to pay $200 out of each pay check. I talked to Cal about it a few days back and he just tried to make me feel guilty and kinda gave me the feeling "either deal or get out" so I just walked away...

Anyways on a lighter note I think that I finaly found someone that can fill that hole Rohkan left behind and am hoping to build a mountain with n.n but I'm not sure if he is interested in me or not... I've given up on this whole "testing out the waters" thing because if I don't have that "wonderfull feeling" off the bat it seems to only go down hill. I guess that's the way it has to be. I don't care how much fun sex is, how cute the person is, how much they have to offer me, how much they say they care for me... If I don't love someone for what they are like where is there anything in that relationship other than a front? So I'm hoping to be able to hang out with this one n.n I've had a crush on him since FC 06 and just got the courage to let him know a couple weekends back. Wish me luck guys :D

I've learned that a single song, no matter what kind can change my mood instantly and by quite alot. I went from sad to pissed to feeling deep in love all in this 10min making this... Kinda odd I think o.o and I'm going off with my Pink because it always makes me feel like a fighter ;)

Anyways, blah... Laters you freaks and fagots :-p

Work Stuff!

2007-05-18T00:37:40Z

Well things are going alot better now that I am in a different class n.n I've been making friends with all the girls and even have myself alittle black magic ;) I'm already at the the top of my class and I missed one day of training, but meh... It seemed like I was making friends left and right today. And why do hot lesbians have to be girls? haha :-p

On another note I had someone back up into my car and not even leave a note x.x I talked to the lady at security and she said to talk to the head of security in the morning when I come in and he might be able to help me.

Anyways it was a realy good day overall n.n

I hate Second Life x.x

2007-05-17T04:00:24Z

Well I broke up with my boyfriend and he is pissed at me :-p he has ignored me for quite a few days. No talking, no cuddling, we only yiffed once, and makes plans to hang out with two people saying that I can't come along... I can certainly understand why he is pissed at someone that he wants nothing to do with dumping him.

As for my new job I fucking hate it with a passion first day there... Everyone in training there is the filth of the Earth. The kind of people that have spent thier entire lives on computers and believe that people that don't know extended programing of computers are nothing but morons and need to be smacked. I'm so sorry that other people have lives, would you like me to end yours? So I'm being switched over to Disney with the actual humans. Not as fun, not as easy, and not as annoying.

I kept getting delusional and hallucinating all day today. I was constantly asked who I was talking to :-p the stupid voices see to have become stronger and more real over the last couple years x.x

hum... good news about today... I made a girl that was crying on break lighten up alittle and chuckel n.n She was having a realy bad day too so I joked around and gave her a cig. I was dying inside, but I made someone who was sad smile and that makes the day alittle worth being alive n.

meh all for today :-p

Hell mother fucking yeah!!!

2007-05-08T23:27:42Z

Well i had lost my job at Encompass a couple days back and ya know what!?! I now have a job playing video games all day long as security!!! :D $10.50 an hour for a game I already play. Watch yer tail Sibe and fork over some of your poker lindens, gambling protection, ya know? :-p

what a weird day o.o

2007-05-07T05:32:34Z

ok day starts out and I head over to Troys looking for something to do, go to get some gas and some guy buys it for me and I was like "allrighty then" and go on my merry way. I then headed over to Chromes for some beer and lovens, play some video games there and wear him out. Such a cute foxy sleeping :-p and tonight I went out with my boyfriend to get some snacks and smokes from Plaid Panties and this girl there starts rubbing her butt all up in my crotch and WTF? D' states that he is my boyfriend to her and I ask her if she was drunk or something and she replies "if I were drunk someone would be hurting" while looking at him and continues to rub her butt in my crotch O.o yep yep it's a weird day today...

New everything! n.n

2007-04-26T21:42:27Z

well I am living in a new house, found someone to hire me, and everything seems to be going realy well for me idead! I am so happy to be away from all the pot over at my old place and all the crack head drama, though Sibe is still harrassing me... I've been having realy good luck, have been talking to strangers without freaking out, and feel comfurtable with who I am. I am going to be making $9.50 during my training and then it only goes up from there so yay n.n there is a realy cute, nice, funny, military boy that I am chasing after right now and we always get along and have alot to talk about with each other. Can't wait to see how that goes! n.n

Anyways talk to ya freaks laters :-p

Feeling good for a change n.n

2007-04-08T20:08:43Z

I've been playing around with magic lately and have found it to be very helpfull indeed! I'm casting karmic return to send negative spells back to the caster and to my surprize my flu disapeared, the pain in my body is all gone, I've been talking to strangers as I had long ago, and I feel alot less crazy n.n It may just all be in my mind, but I feel a hundred times better *nods*

I changed my spark plugs and my car is getting full gas milage and has more power than it started with it seems like n.n My old mate from long ago messaged me and let me know that he is still alive and doing very well infact and got off all the drugs! I bought a venus flytrap and withen a day it started budding and I didn't even know that they done that, odd thing is that it is still a baby o.o I had the hottest guy I've ever met flirt with me who was working at Crystal Rock, a gemstone store which made me feel on top of the world n.n He was even talking about fertilaty and cocks in lore, haha :-p I think that I should go back there some time n.n

Well anyways laters readers and HEY!!! message me sometime. It's alot more fun to chat than to read :-p
BAI!!! n.n

Back in Portland

2007-03-04T09:08:36Z

Well I made it back from California a few hours ago. It was clear skies all the the was down, but snowed for about three weeks trapping me there. It was an alright trip there. My sister is chopping wood for a living now and is making enough to get her by. Her new boyfriend seems like a realy cool guy, but has an odd tendency to start flirting with me, stopping mid sentence and walking away mad? He doesn't do it to any other guys so I'm alittle confused and I think that he is too :-p I went to the dentist down there about my abcesed tooth and he gave me Penicillan and some codien pill things... Out of about 30 dentists I have gone to none of them will pull my tooth out or work on it x.x something about the sinus being wraped up inside of my tooth and oh woohoo? Anyways the pills have taken away the pain and made the blackness go away too n.n Okies laterz

none!

2007-01-22T08:53:22Z

Well I am back from Klamath again and had a nice visit with my ex girlfriend and sister. Ex got married to an army boy that she sees about 2weeks every 6months x.x had a baby and got realy fat. She is still a sweet heart, though no longer is an angel :-p My sister is well um yeah... Let's leave it at that. I'm starting classes tomorrow and can't wait to get on with life alittle. I had to basicaly beg to get the chance and I'm not going to let this fall through! Blahness can go shoove itself this time :-p I think that I am going to pull an all nighter one last time and drink an energy drink, yay! Laters ya'll! n.n

nice mini-vacation n.n

2007-01-09T22:37:09Z

I made it back from Candia Sunday night. I had alot of fun while I was up there and met someone I realy like n.n Sadly though he lives all the way down in San Jose, Cali... I went to another one of the Island parties at Rick and Tesses. It's always nice going up there and I even got to see Gray Fox while I was there too n.n

My tooth decided to absess while I was up there, but Legend gave me a Hydrocoden thingy that made it alot better, that was realy nice of him, but I hope that it won't effect a drug test o.o Hum... My chats with Cal are always odd, but I learn quite abit about him and how various mentalities work from what he says and gain a better understanding of the people around us. Everything from Buttsex and relationships to major life decisions of morality... I'm just weird like that :-p

*yawns* well I'm out for now to figure out what to do today, later ya'll n.n

Stupid quizes!!!!

2006-12-24T17:19:46Z

What position are u in your wolf pack?

You are the brave leader of your pack.You are strong,fierce,and proud.You are fair to your pack and are very protective of them.You trust them with your life.Be careful,there ar always some wolves who will wish to strike you down when you are weak and steal your position as Alpha.
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What color are your wings?

Your wings are white-you are calm and tranquil.You are often quiet and shy, but you have quite a lot of friends.In your group of friends you are the one who is always caught in the middle and trying to fix the problem.People come to you for advice and youre often able to give it.You have a strong romantic side,but are kind of shy around boys.You day-dream a lot and always have your head in the clouds.
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Twist

2006-12-22T19:48:32Z

Well the thing with the Marquis woman (CNA) finaly hired me today n.n
My classes are set up for the 23rd of January. It was funny, I asked her if I need to come down for an interview in the meentime and she said "oh god no! I've seen you enough already" so that means that I will have something to get me by and I'm getting into the field that I want to n.n
I am set up with the best Marquis around that pays the most too, so yay! *wags his tail* well laters ya'll!

good day n.n

2006-12-22T09:18:25Z

I had a realy good day today n.n
Shadow and I cuddled last night and today he took me out to hang out. Breakfast at Sharies, games at the arcade, and a trip to the witch craft store n.n
At the arcade I and Shadow were being followed by alittle boy that acts like Baloo and was telling me about the history of an Irish song that I was dancing to and that it had been defiled :-p as for Shadow he told him about how the grafics engine works while he was playing, hehe lol.
Shadow was realy trying to cheer me up some, and it was nice to get away from looking for a job for a day n.n So I'm not going to let myself worry about it tonight and save that for the morning.
Tis teh Jackals night so yiff, yiff, spoo, spoo :-p

just try harder, things will get better

2006-12-21T03:55:21Z

Months have gone by and I am out of ideas of what to do... I can't get a job no matter how hard I try. I went down to Goodwill to get a job taking clothing donations from people and the interview woman said that she didn't believe that I could do the job ~.~ I can't get on at places as low as Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, Arco Am Pm, or 7 11... My food stamps were taken away because I can't show proof of how much the people in my house make a year. A lazy bastard who uses my stuff when I tell him not to and breaks them without caring, that I'm told that I have to drive around to help him got the job at Marquis as a CNA without trying when I went in multiple times and even explained that I already have experience because of my grampa, and he doesn't even want it. Everyone keeps telling me "you just have to try harder, and things will get better" well guess what? thier isn't any trying harder, there isn't being any more desperate, and things have only been getting worse for these months... I AM FUCKING CURSED and have wanted nothing more than for something to kill me for the longest time now. It's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to bed. The only person that made the bad things like this seem livable left me at the time that I needed someone, anyone back when I had my stroke and lost my job for hospital leave...(fucking call center bastards) I'm at the lowest point in my life and I get to say that again each month... I'de kill myself but I am too scared because the last few times I have tried ended in horrible pain x.x My only happy moments for these last few months has been seeing my sisters baby (now taken away from her) holding my love in my arms at a party, before I passed out and he ran off drunk only to leave me worried calling him with no reply, hearing a couple people say thanks for driving them around, and Shadow finaly coming along for one of my interviews to make me feel better. Well I'm off to play a game that I hate, laters... ~.~

Update time!

2006-07-20T07:54:06Z

Well I am back into town after my long assed vacation. The person that I was chasing after was only wanting yiff and nothing else so I went emo for alittle bit. I wish that he had been looking for a mate. Plus he said some bad things about a friend of mine. I realy should have had a talk with him, but eh...
My car is acting weird with the engine light coming on and backfiring O.o good thing that I am still withen warrenty, even though I know they will try to tell me otherwise.
I have jury duty coming up on the 10th. Hopefully this (the 3rd time) they will actualy have me do something other than talk to a judge and leave.
I'm noticing alot more patches of skin lacking pigmentation starting up on my body lately. My grandmother told me that she was having that problem about 6months before she died so I'm kinda scared that genetics are out to get me x.x
I had another one of my moments while I was up in Washington. I was driving from Caladons place to Steels and forgot where I was, where I was going, where I had been, who people were, ect... Luckfully I was still able to pull off to the side of the road and sleep it off alittle. I am wondering what causes stuff like that... o.o The doctors say that it is stress, but I nothing bad had happened that day. Oh well...
Well I'm tired of blabing, have a goodnight readers n.n

Back from Canadia!

2006-07-06T04:16:55Z

Hey there everyone n.n I finaly made it back from my long trip across the west. I went down to south Cali where hung out with some old friends of mine from long ago. The city hasn't changed much but it was like meeting my friends for the first time again.

I Went to Kent, Monroe, and some Island in Washington where I met alot of cool furs. One runs a couple cons here in the northwest, but is alot more fun when just hanging at the house. I guess that is because he would always be busy at the cons though :-p Two were managers for something on Second Life called Rainbow Tiger and tried to talk me into being on it, but I prefere to RP in real life ;) I guess that I am going to Orecon now since my furend in Monroe wants me to go. I've never realy been interested, but it would at least be some fun if we went together n.n

Up in Canadia I hung out with Katt from all of the cons (the one with the facial mods and piercings, murr) at his house. Most people woulod think that he has a crazy life where everyday is some epiphany, or trajady, but in real life he is just like everyone else with a few perks for his piercings ;)

Most of the time I was up north I was too busy chasing a cheetah wolfs tail though :-p I realy like him alot. He looks fairly good, makes the cutest gestures though n.n I never thought that I would find someone feline, and canine, and that if I did that they couldn't show it, but he realy does?.. I love his personality, and just being around him makes me feel warm all over n.n He seems to share alot of the same views on life as I do, but isn't afraid to challenge me, and I am not afraid to tell him what I think is wrong. Most people I am afraid of offending, but I only want to tell him what I think is best regardless of the outcome. *sighs* and I follow him like alittle puppy :-p

Anyways... This was way too long of a rant x.x sorry for my blah blah blah, and why not message me to ask how I'm doing? reading about someones life is so lame, laters freaks :-p

forbidden_souls @ 2006-06-12T15:31:00

2006-06-12T22:47:16Z

I made it back from Seattle last night n.n I had so much fun up there. There were so many cool furs that I met, and I have a crush on one :-p There are alot of job openings up there, so I am wanting to move up there. I want a clean house, and if any; roommates that can clean up after themselves at least alittle...I realy like Shadow, but the house get trashed every other day unless I am constantly cleaning up after everyone. I believe that whoever spills crap on the carpet should have to clean it themselve, and maybe help offered. Eh I guess that I am just rambling, but bleh x.x I have alot of thinking to do!

Fun trip!

2006-06-08T18:05:01Z

I made it back from Klamath Falls last night. It was a wonderfull trip to hell this time :-p I went swimming in the lake, mountain biking, racing, and hung out with alot of old & new friends n.n I Spent the night over at my ex-girlfriends' place with her and a girl named KC. Redheads are alot of fun (as Shadow knows) I was alittle disapointed by 06/06/06 though... Nothing happened at all o.o there could have at least of been a few flaming heads falling from the sky, geeze... Well tonight I am headed up to Seattle with a friend. Lots O' friends to see up there n.n

early in teh morning

2006-06-03T13:32:40Z

Good morning everyone n.n Tis teh jackals rants again! I've been having alot of fun lately. My friends are realy making things alot better for me. I've been taken out to 3 different movies that were very good n.n X-men3 is one of the best movies I have seen in along time btw. I've been waiting along time for them to bring Pheonix into the mix n.n I'm headed down to visit my sis in a couple days. She needs someone to hold since she has been down lately & after that I am headed up to Seattle to visit alot of friends. So many seemed to have moved up there for some reason o.o A few though I met at conventions. anyways... enough ranting for now, laters n.n

Random nonsence

2006-06-01T01:51:07Z

what kind of angel(or demon) are you?((Beautiful Anime Pics and 8 detailed answers!!))

Wings:grey angel wingsPowers:air,wind,flightWhat you value:acceptance for who you are,friends,familyYou my friend are the fallen angel.For some reason you have been rejected by the Divine(angels)you now live on earth like an ordinary human.You hide your wings for fear that your friends may reject you for being different but at the same time you want them to accept you for who you are.You are probably a shy person who has experianced much pain in your life,yet you still have hope for love and life.You yern to be loved by another like yourself and perhaps you know someone like that but are just to timid to tell them.You enjoy the fact that you can still fly for when you do the felling of the wind through your feathers makes you forget all your problems and worries.Usual facial expression-a small sad smileQuote-"Freedom is power"
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Strange things in my head :-p

2006-05-29T13:52:39Z

I thought that I was ok after my stroke, but now I've been noticing strange things hapening in my mind. I am forgeting people who sware that they knew me for a long time, even people who I had worked with for 10months? As if I were meeting them for the first time even o.o I've been overcome by a feeling that is realy hard to descibe that just seems to make me rant about anything. I was looking back at some of my conversations online and noticed that when I get worked up I move from subject to subject making no sence... I fade off into my own little world where I don't even hear people talking to me that are 4feet away. The doc told me that my mind wouldn't work right for awhile, but this is just wierd how it is working. I feel normal and on top of the world, then I forget where I am at, doing, and sometimes even who I am? I'm not realy scared, but just feel retarded at times... Well I guess that this enough rambling for awhile. Hopefully I'll be back with better news soon, laters n.n